Monday, January 25, 2010

Our Experience

We arrived home yesterday after leaving Vladivostok on Friday and then spending a couple days in Korea.

Where do I begin? So many thoughts,emotions,highs and lows but, most importantly we are so grateful we listened to the promptings to come despite things turning out differently then we had expected.Sometimes we just cannot comprehend how we are divinely lead to situations we would have not thought.

We arrived in Vladovostok on Saturday the 16th and settled in at the hotel. We met several families there who were on trip two and already had there children.On Sunday we went for a walk in the neighborhood down to the completely frozen solid "beach". We kept following the music and found a skating rink there where many were enjoying there afternoon in -29 C weather!! We did not last too long it was just sooo cold!!

Monday morning finally arrived and we went to the orphanage to see sweet baby girl. She was so precious! We held her and played with her for a couple hours the first visit.More then ANYTHING I wanted to feel peace and yet we did not have it. After our visits and many emails to our IA doctors we had to make a very painful decision to decline. I kept wanting to have that peace of going forth and yet we both knew we must listen to the answers we receive. As I held this precious child I prayed fervently that she would find a family who would and could take on what were unable to at this point in our lives. We have felt a peace I can not explain but, it does not make it any less painful with kinds of feeling I can not explain. As I gave the baby to the caregiver the last time I could feel those big, huge tears streaming down my face.I just wanted it to be different but, it was not going to be.I had to let go of my dream of having this precious child in our family. We knew coming that if we declined we would have to come home and wait for another referral.We both felt a strong urge to come and knew someday we would know why.

This is when we begin to see the plan for our family! We were told of a little boy who became available. At the beginning I was very hesitant because we were here for a girl! We knew however that are paperwork actually approves us for two. Something inside just kept telling us to go see this little boy over and over again ! The next day we drove to his orphanage. As we walked in the music room in the orphanage here came the most ADORABLE 2 year old little boy! I can not explain in words the thoughts I had other then I already knew this little boy .We just knew he was meant to be ours.We felt an instant connection with him as he did with us. He is not what we expected but we would have NEVER been lead to him because he did not meet our age requirements. We KNOW we had to be lead to him somehow even if it meant we had to decline another child.

So, this is where it gets even more interesting. We will not only bring home our little boy but, will continue our journey to our little girl from the same region . We do not know when we will receive another baby girl referral from Vladivostok but, we KNOW we are being led and we will follow. When we were doing our home study I am not really sure why we put down two kids other then for a "just in case scenario". Little did we really understand.

There is still so much to absorb from all that has transpired in such a short time. The extreme emotions of sadness to happiness to peace and seeing the plan for us is just a bit overwhelming.The roller coaster of all this is hard and yet I could of never imagined the plan for us.I will post a few pics when I get them down loaded.