Stepping Out In Faith.

I have been wanting to post something since I returned home from Vladivostok but, have found it difficult to put my thoughts and experiences into words.Sometimes, there are just not appropriate words to express one's journey in finding oneself. I guess I do not see myself as very eloquent writer so, it is is hard to express it all.The week in Vlad has certainly put my test of faith to an all time high.I/we pleaded and prayed to know what was the right answer for us.My heart and head seemed to be fighting with one another. I wondered how could I? Then How could I not ? The little girl in me wanted to look up in the sky and hope there was a note there ready to read with the answer.I KNEW however I had listen.... very carefully.... to what Heavenly Father would have us do.
My thoughts turned to our oldest son who is 21. When he was born we expected a perfect child.Silly to think about that know since perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.Did I love our son any less because he had a lifelong disability? NO !! Do I wish he was different? NO !!! Is he the perfect son for us? YES !!! He has taught me more then any one in my entire life !! YES, REALLY !!
Anyway, though it might seem crazy or foolish to some we have stepped out with a leap of faith and have proceeded with adopting our little Miss D along with Little boy D.They are not twins but, both are tiny and both weigh about 16 pounds.

We have been told to expect to go back for court around the middle to end of April.If any one is counting that will make us a family of 11.Going from 5 to 9 kids in a year and a half !!( Deep Breath) !! We CAN DO THIS !

Back in Russia

Yesterday I finally arrived back in Vladivostok.This time we took a different route to get here. We have always gone through Seoul Korea to get here.Unfortunately Korean Air was not flying as often and I could not get on any flight going through Seoul.I took a different way through Beijing China which I would not recommend for anyone going to Vlad in the future. I have to go home that way but, never again.
Today I went back to the Department of Education to have permission to go see miss D.It was a long interaction with the well known person there but, she did tell me I had a lot of courage to come back again and wished us best of luck.After we went to the orphanage they brought her in all bundled like a mummy.It took like 5 minutes just to get everything off.Had to talk to the doctors regarding all the medical issues and tests and have the harsh reality once again became real as I held this sweet precious child. The next few days will be spent getting more answers and spending more time with her and making a decision to see what is ultimately best for everyone.I feel very strongly it is important for me to be here with her no mater what the decision will be.
Tomorrow I will get to see our little guy as well. We still need a name to decide on for this little munchkin !

Always a twist

Well, we are moving along nicely getting our documents close to completion for court for our soon to be baby boy( who will be a year old soon). HOWEVER, We have also made a decision to return Back to Vlad and re visit the precious little girl we met back in December.She is never far from our minds and soooo .... we are going to go see her again and determine whether we could possibly can bring her home as well. It has been a wild ride the last few weeks to determine whether or not we could even reconsider reversing our initial decision. We have made plans to return to Vladivostok end of next week. We will have a chance to see her again with added info we have learned over the past month or so. .We will also see our baby boy who is in the same orphanage as little miss .We are on a bit of a crazy ride so, Iam just hanging on and trusting God to lead us to what is in store for us.There seems to always be an amazing twists and turns in our lives plus I am certainly putting on a lot of flyer miles !!So , it may be that we will have our four youngest children be ages 4,3, almost 2, and 1 !! Yikes !

Family search

I have been wanting to write a bit about our experience with doing a birth search for our little Russians.I really had no intention of doing a search when we first started our adoption .It was not until shortly after they were home something told me it would someday make a difference for our children.I also wished to tell their relatives back in Russia that they were loved and treasured. We were fortunate to learn of a wonderful man through another family that adopted from Vlad who did family searches in and around the region of Vladivostok. We did not know if we would learn much since our info was some what sketchy.I can not express how much joy it brought to open up a video of our daughters birth mother and not only see an incredible resemblance to our daughter but, have her speak of her little daughter.Absolutely pricless beyond words ! Then a few days later we also received a video of our son when he was a baby. Such precious treasures that are just priceless.We feel really blessed to have received so much info and for our searcher Illich to be so diligent in his work for families. I am so glad we did it !

Reminder Day

18 years ago today we lived in Northridge California.We lived just a mile away from the epicenter of the Northridge Quake when it hit. It was just after 4 in the morning the the earth's furry showed its power.There really is not anything like being literally thrown out of bed with the loud frightening noise of the earth moving and shaking underneath you as well as hearing gas explosions very close near by.As our minds quickly grasped that this was not just a little shaker our minds raced to get to our babies and get out but, when the shaking is so hard it prevents you from getting anywhere fast and you realize just how vulnerable we all are.When we got out it soon became apparent our home was no longer livable as many were around our neighborhood.It was red tagged and our family was forced to move.Our family eventually resettled in a new home not far away but, the reminder of that day makes us always remember to be prepared both temporally and spiritually for things we may not expect.

little hands

Oh my, there is so much to tell. It was a really hard trip back to Russia. I wish these children could all receive desperate medical attention before serious medical issues arise. . I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all better for some of these precious children.I will probably open a private blog to share our story of a little girl I had hoped to become one of ours. Unfortunately we will not be able to bring her home but, will help her with what she needs medically.She will always be connected to us due to circumstances. As I left and snuggled her with a blanket made just for her I promised her she is loved and would do all I can to help her and others who need medical help but, do not get it due to lack of funds.So much could be prevented !!I often wonder if we would have gotten there sooner would things be the same?I do know my eyes were once again opened to do all I can.

However we will still be bringing home another little one. HE is a precious baby boy!He was sporting a pretty Pink outfit!Yes, this will change.It has been a bit of changing gears for us but, we are exited to bring this little guy home.I was not really expecting to bring home a baby but, he really is and is precious !Do not know exactly when we will return but, am thinking probably April or May for court. Russia have changed the waiting period after court from 10 to 30 days so we will have to make another trip to bring him home.

Totally Exausted

I am still in Russia. I am so emotionally and physically exhausted with all that has happened this week.It is all so intense it is hard to write about right now.I am just so mentally exhausted trying to make life changing decisions when things keep changing.We have had to make some decisions this week that are just hard .REALLY HARD and PAINFUL to my heart !
There have been some nice moments like returning to my children's former orphanage and sharing hugs and pictures of the kids with them.I was able to see both orphanage directors and their former caretakers. They of course loved the pics and donations.They were very interested in our children's lives and development.Everyone here has been very kind and supportive despite all the drama this week.I usually do pretty well under stress but, this week the water works just kept coming.
When I return and know more about our decisions I will share a bit more of our story.